Your dad touched me again.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
