You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
