She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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