You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
whose ass print is on the piano?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
