how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
