Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Randomize
