We need to start having sex underwater more often.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
