I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
