is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
