I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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