drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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