OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
