$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize