oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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