I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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