No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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