she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
