whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
