I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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