I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
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