My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
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