They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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