yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
