Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
