yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
