I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
