Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
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