Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
