I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
