Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
