does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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