so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
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you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
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She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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