There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
