Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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