gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
