allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
