At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize