I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
This baby is an asshole
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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