So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
