we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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