Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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