just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
