I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
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I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
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You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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