Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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