i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
