Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
