dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
