Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
