I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Randomize
