After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
