I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
