Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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