we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
