I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
