There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
