lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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