What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
pray to the hookup gods
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
